The World is Not Small, You Are.

It's weird when it takes a complete stranger to tell you something precisely what took you almost eons to figure out. Or maybe you sort of knew it all along, except that you never considered acknowledging it, because it was the painful truth. Until fate (or coincidence?) lets you bump into someone (which is again ironic since the world is too big to bump into someone), a stranger possibly, that utters those words that you were so frightened of. The words of affirmation bleed right in front of you. But what exactly are you afraid of? If anything, it's them who should be afraid. Because, finally, the world has spun fast enough to blow all your troubles, or should I say fears, away.

I, my brother Roy, and his soon-to-be-wife-this-January 26, along with their friend, Jo, were casually strolling the halls of Rockwell with no intentions of really buying anything. Not because we didn't want to, but we can't afford to. Blame it on the wedding! And so before anything else, allow me to take this opportunity to say sorry to those salesladies whom we bothered, for asking our sizes, when in fact, our wallets were incapable of paying the price. I guess that's the price all of you pay for working as salesladies. I kid. The future couple was walking at a pace slightly faster than both Jo and I did, which I believe gave Jo the perfect chance to start a conversation: "Mikey, I know I'm not in the position to tell you something like this, but ugh, I felt I needed to say it anyway. I can see in your eyes that you're an overachiever. Take it easy." I replied with a preoccupied smile. Preoccupied, because for the most part, I was thinking. I bet she knew I was thinking too. Besides, the eyes can tell everything, including those things that you just can't. The smile perhaps gave her the hint that nonetheless, I concurred to her statement.

Jo was right. I am an overachiever. In the Echanis clan, I never was preferred. Not even second best. But who am I to speak up. They were and still are literally paying for my education. Every single cent of it. In effect, I can only resort to channeling my frustrations by being good at what I should do- -studying. But every single pursuit of success never seems to please them. I doubt if they even are aware of those. Before I knew it, I lead myself down the path of having the urgency to achieve, not so much for myself, but for them. All in the name of proving my worth.

In any case, my brother Brian is retiring this January in preparation for his graduate studies abroad. I'm extremely excited and sincerely proud for him. He sets such a good example. In fact, he's been paying the monthly salary of our maid out of his own income. Last night, over dinner, my dad suggested, "Bri, dapat pagbutihan mo pag-aaral mo doon para pagbalik mo, sana, mayaman ka na." As for me, again I thought to myself, " Mikey, pagbutihan mo lang din pag-aaral mo, at sana, bumalik ka na."

Enough of the proving. It's about time to let all my fears get sucked out as the world spins madly on, as I hold on tight to my dear life.